havoc night

last night was a havoc, chaotic and stressful night. the night of course registration. everyone was having a stressful just to register their course. anyway, i just want to ask you people, if anyone out there who has the answer, why did we UPSIans have to experience this things each and every year! while others, i said others from other universities never ever had to face this thing?? why??



"you says that foolish dreams are poisonous, like a book that tells us a bout the end of the world."

in soo in_goose's dream

works works works

omg. there are dozens of works to do! i'm not complaining, just want to tell you. arrgghhh..! and i'm too lazy to do anything!








'In some ways, you know, people that don't exist, are much nicer than people that do.'

lewis carol

kazoku

what is kazoku?kazoku means family. i love my family.
just received a message from my brother, i just want to tell him. no matter what happen, no matter how hard our life will be, no matter how sad we are, just dont give up. please dont give up. i'm begging you, be happy. please be happy. one day, i say one day, everything will be alright. because He always with us. o Allah, for countless time, i'm begging you, give us strength to face this all this.


My sis,
Have a good life there..
Enjoy every precious moment you have..



yes, i will...
because i love my family..









"ohana means family. family means no one is left behind-or forgotten" lilo and stitch

babbling

this night i will go to an event. and this whole day i will be kinda busy.
i got a message from my sister. and i was like, 'ya Allah, why is this happen?" we are a family. we shouldnt be like that. i understand my sister's feeling, yet, i concern about my brother's feeling. if i were him, i would cry like that too. but i hope he will realize it. and change. to my sister, i hope you will be happier, dont even think that rubbish things if it would make hatred grow in your heart. i love both of them.



"When the sea dries up you can see its depths, but when a person dies you will still not know his mind"

too much things to do

i have many things to do. yet,i do nothing. i just happened to know that my friend is going to.... wait for it... FOSTER.. ready..? FOSTER THE PEOPLE!!!!! i wanna go with her..!! omg! its FOSTER THE PEOPLE!!!!!







"when you think of giving up, think of the reasons why you held on so long"
my sis's quote.

i'm dead meat

okay, i'm going to die! miss fairuz wanna see our entries which i dont have any right now.. i'm dead. anyway, its been a really messed up week for me, seven days of torture, seven days of bitter.. (Hot Challe Rae, 2011)



‎"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

20 oct- 26 oct

20oct

Today was the day. the day of our presentation. Everyone from my group was preparing their presentation while I did nothing. I don’t want to get nervous, that is why I didn’t rehearse my presentation like they did. So, I did nothing. When the time comes, as always, I get cold feet. The same thing happened yesterday when it was about five minute to go to the taekwando club. I’m a loser, isn’t it? anyway, I braved myself because a friend of mine tell me something that really hurts my pride. She disappointed with me. Those words kept playing on my mind. Anyway, when I was presenting, miss fairus stopped me. I was just about my third point. I don’t know why she did that. Was it because of my lame presentation? Or was it because she hated my way of presenting? Was it because I just shouted not presenting? Who knows? Let’s wait for the result.

21 oct

I just happened to know that my jap class was cancelled today because they replaced it last night. Again. last night and I didn’t know. Why? Because my lecturer posted it on her facebook. And why I didn’t check it? because of this farting upsi jaring! I cannot get through my password! And even if I use my friends’ passwords, excuse me, the line was soooooooo irritating..! i might die eating thi laptop while waiting for the internet to be connected. Wwhy they didn’t tell me? Because I’m freaking alone in that class. Okay, one of them told me, but it was too late already! I didn’t blame her of course. She thought that I knew already. Because of the stupid line, I missed my favourite class..!!!!

22oct

He had a haircut. Hihi…

Anyway, I have a program this day. a facilitator program. It was so tiring and I don’t get time to update my status. I really hope you understand. Thank you.

23oct

I was waiting for this day. I was really waiting for this day to come. I set my alarm really early (but, I didn’t wake up because I was expecting them to wake me up). I wanted to go there!!! I didn’t go to k.l because of this day! i’m frustrating right now!! It wasn’t their fault. I don’t blame them. But, I was disappointed. They dont seem excited as I am. I realized that. Anyway, we can plan, but, He set everything.

I chatted with him just now. He said something that really makes me annoyed. He knows nothing yet he made it like it was my fault! I was the victim here. Okay, you want the truth? Yes. I was running away from you! Why? Because I hated you!

24 oct

I went to the taekwando club today. I get the courage just to go there. And something bad happened. someone was accidentally dropped a bottle of water, the big bottle, on my head. And he was in the second floor while I was on the basement. What do you think? Was it hurt? Bloody hell, yeah. I was going to black out actually. I feel dizzy until now. And I couldn’t think right at the moment. And I yelled at him. And now, I feel sorry for him.

I enjoyed the club today because everyone’s going back to their hometown, so, there were only 8 people including me at the club. I cant face more people.

250ct

Well, today I went to iium to see the final round of the Bahasa debate. It was between uitm and usim. The English debate was held in the evening and we didn’t have the chance to join it. it was live broadcasting in mobtv.com. our vice pm, Dato hishamuddin was there. Including the famous and very important people. I was so shocked when I saw they debate. I was like “whoa, for real? They can talk like that?”. I wish I had their confidence. The best debator was given to a student from usim. They were the winning team. They can bring back rm25000. It was nice. And fyi, they are not even from fakulti of language. Anyway, its iium, so I had the chance to meet miera n bilah there even for just a second.! Love them. To ain: thanks for giving me this opportunity, this is the new experience for me. And thanks for making me smile all the way, because of those memories from kmkn.

26oct

Kak gee came. We went out to rawang tesco and had our lunch there. It was nice to be outta here. I was going to be sickened of bored. Love it. That night, we bought food from the café. And to be real, we waited for about 3hours just to buy 3 fried rice.

11 oct-19 oct

11oct

I’m reading this particular novel titled “the wedding planner” which I borrowed from Sue. It is intriguing, I should say. The novel tells about the sweet and touching story about the bad relationship between two sisters. The one who had a perfect beautiful celebrity life while the other who had failures in her life, no job and no money. The thing that they both didn’t know was they always been eaten up by jealousy to one another.

13oct

Okay, here’s the deal. Miss fairuz don’t want us to tell our story about our friends, family or ourselves which is of course what did I do for past three weeks. We need to write about what we do to improve our English regarding this is EC class. Truth be told, then, I don’t know what to write.

14oct

Okay. My roommate, Nisma and i have been trying to speak in English for the whole time which lasted only for five minutes each time we try to speak. I don’t know what had happened. We talked in English, then, suddenly without realising it, we are speaking in Bahasa. Shoot me.

16oct.

I hated the fact that I have to ruin my lovely perfect free day when I had to attend a workshop for facilitators’ trainers. But, it has a little bit of enjoyment when we learnt about psychology. Watching criminal mind every Monday makes me really like psychology. Not like that I want to further my study in the field. But, knowing some of it is enough for me to trigger me to learn it more. I want to know more. I want to learn more. Like when I learn biology. I loved it when we can study about ourselves. Anyway, I already did the psychological tests like several times before. And each time it came out the same answer, the exact same terrible answer; a very low self esteem. I told you already right? If the flying Dutch man in spongebob squarepant gives me three wishes for the exchange of his stocking, my wishes would beà give me the high confidence.

Anyhow, why should I ask help from a ghost..? I have Allah. (^___^)and I hope I can change it.

I want to change.

17oct

One friend asked me to do a thing that needs my commitment. I refused to do. Not because I don’t want. I want it. but, I don’t have the confidence. Again, its all about confidence. I want to change to be a better person. I really want. And this thing can change me. But, I’m afraid I don’t deserve it. I think of people outside, there are way better than me. living in the shadow of high confidence and pretty people really makes me become who am I right now.

18oct

Phonetic and phonology test. I really love dr. che ton. She’s funneh. Anw, like always, I didn’t read the book. The difference of today is the reason. This time, I really didn’t have time to read. Really. i read only just for 1 hour. How come that’s enough for me to answer the quests? Fool me.

19 Oct., 11

The person who makes me annoyed called. I didn’t know in the first place why I gave the permission to someone to give that person my number. I don’t want that person to call me. I don’t want to have any connection with that person. I don’t want to be so close to that person. That person makes me feel gross. I don’t like that person.

The thing that I learnt in SLA classà avoidance.

3 oct - 10 oct

3oct

I met Bekton today. We talked too much. I talked too much that I can’t stop bragging myself. Once I meet with my high school friends, I can’t stop. Everything must be told. Still feeling guilty for distracting her from studying that resulted her did bad on her test.

Anyway, talking about Bekton, she is one of the people who I can talk and speak in English without feeling nervous of making mistakes. Do you know that in order to speak second language, one should have self motivation and confidence in herself? Bekton and I are close enough that I feel comfortable to speak to her. I cant always practice to talk to her though because we hardly meet.

4oct

I had this particular meeting this night. It was so huge and grand that I almost wanted to chicken out. Am I capable to do those things? I’m scared that I can’t give a full commitment to these things which makes me a jerk who cannot take responsibilities. That’s just for this night. I don’t have the time to update my blog.

5oct

This internet is freaking annoying, I couldn't do my work. I couldn't update my blog at all. I’m sorry miss, if I hadn’t updated my blog, this is the reason. Please don’t expect me to go to the campus and wasting my time there to get the bus and to get ready or to walk to the campus just to update my blog every day. I hardly have classes. If I had a class there, it was in the morning and I HAD to rush back to PC for your class. please note that we cannot get the PC bus easily as people get their campus bus.

6oct

I really don’t have time yet I need to update this blog. Your class' assignments, preparing for the public speaking, the text book’s exercises, and the essay plus the draft. Not to forget, the SLA assignment which I just happened to know that we have to submit it the next two days. For goodness, there are 2 handouts of EST for us to do. Oh, don’t forget the need-to-memorize-at least-26- characters-of-hiragana homework! Pffft…

7oct

I don’t even have the slightest time to call my parents..! and if you ever think that is my fault for procrastinating, I’m sorry to disappointing you because for your information, I got all these things in just one day.

8oct

I went to my class with Dilah’s car today, she didn’t have class. I bought an umbrella which is awesome. It really is. It shows beautiful patterns whenever it touches water. I thought it was just a plain colour umbrella. Isn’t it cool?

9oct

Jealousy. The word that always come in mind whenever we mentioned about people who like purple. I’m not an easy-jealous typed of person. I lied. Yes I am. But, when it comes to guys or friends, I would rather feel ashamed than jealous. I don’t feel jealous to them, but, I do feel down. Really down because I cannot have whatever they have. That’s one type of jealous, isn’t it? haha. Again, I feel down, not that jealous-hated-i-want-to-kick-you feeling. Do you understand??? The only thing that I feel like that are, when it comes to study and ‘her’. Things related to her, not her. What I’m babbling about?? Please don’t bother to read this post miss fairuz.

10 oct

Again today, I had the chance to improve my speaking skill because I met Bekton today. but I missed it. what a waste.

28nov-2oct 2011

28 September

We went to tg malim town today to buy some things. I was waiting on the outside of a particular shop when I accidentally dropped the car key. As you know, that is Dilah’s car. I’m a dead meat if anything happen to that car. It dropped in the drain. I didn’t know what to do. I was so screwed up. I was alone. I can’t reach it because the hole was too small and I had to lift up the cover which is too heavy for me. Luckily, two gentlemen came and they were willingly helped me. People gathered around to see what happened. And there was an uncle who kept nagging at me and praised those two guys. I was so embarrassed. I thanked them and quickly get off from there.

29 September

I went to interview this morning. I sucked. Serve me rite. I screwed everything up.

This night, I was waiting for the bus at the foyer. I was alone, not even a single person. I missed the bus about a minute. So I was frustrated and I made a disappointed face after I asked one of the drivers about the bus. And one particular driver said something I didn’t hear. I really didn’t realize what my face was like at that moment. I didn’t make the face purposely! I thought I was alone. He repeated himself and it was a very disgusting thing he said about my face. I was so scared. I was alone! Luckily, people came. And I ran away from him.

30September

My Japanese language class as awesome as usual. We learnt about numbers and ages and everything.

Dilah went home. She left her car. So, hehe, we went out! To campus actually, to attend a feast held by silat association. The food, uuurrgghhh…. Anyway, that’s not important. The most important is my ‘fake-princess’ talked to us. Okay, it just one word but who cares! Ngehe.

p/s: to lizzy, I saw your fake-gd! I wanted to tell you, he just stood beside me but I don’t have your number. I lost my phone, remember? You must be excited.

1 0ct

Again, Dilah was not here. So, we used her car. Hehe. The four of us went to the night market. There’s nothing to buy but as you know I like to go out. I tried so hard not to buy anything unnecessary. The other three went in the women section while I waited outside. Like always, I don’t like to go to those ‘women section’. Note to guys: yes, I know the feeling! I understand it! Waiting for your girlfriends shopping really killing you right?

I bought fruits! All are my favourites, Grape especially.

P/s: I wonder if I am the real woman. Har har.

2 0ct

I went to a place where my housemates didn’t know. They were curious. Actually, I had a sleep over at my friends’ house. It was a wonderful moment. I wish I lived there. We laughed, we gossiping and everything. Anyway, thanks for everything guys. I loved the breeze.

She called. You know who. I told her about my dream. She was so afraid that I really hoped that I can see her scared face. I laughed. I’m sorry! Not that I liked it or what, but I missed to see your nervous face! Actually, I told everything except 1 thing. In that dream, I was really sad that I hesitated to run after you. I was really sad. And I am sad.

three more posts

25 September

There are always you in my story of life.

2008 (when we are grown up enough to think of the mature things)

Her: what would you do if I have a boyfriend.

Me: I must know the boy first, whether he is deserve for you or not.

2009

Someone: what will you do if your best friend already had someone else ?

Me: if he’s the best, he could take care of her, then I couldn’t agree more.

2010 (my sister asked me )

She: what would you do if your dearest friend will get marry?

Me: I would cry first. Really hard. After a while, I maybe will accept the fact that she’s not mine anymore. But, that’s the case if the man will be there for her come hell or high water. Who am I to prevent those from happening. I care for her happiness.

At my brother’s wedding, I saw my sister in law’s father cried when giving her daughter to my parent. I wonder, that’s maybe the feeling when you’re giving your dearest person to someone else.

Now

My bestie: would you cry if I will be taken away?

Me: I thought that an over ago, and I cried hard at the same time my dear.

That’s the thing that I’m afraid the most. Say I’m fishy or not reasonable; be with someone for over than ten years, and then you will know the feeling. Sometimes, I thought, gosh I couldn’t lose her. But that sometimes, I always think that ‘I’m not losing her, I just lend her to be taken care of by someone else’. She’s my best friend, she’s my sister, she’s my guardian, and she’s my unsung hero.

26 September

I told ranko about her. Yeah.. we are growing up. It just, I cannot accept the fact. That’s why we called it “life” isn’t it?

I always read this specific blog written by a friend of mine, because i really love the writing. the latest entry is about her friend’s family. Usually, I would get jealous to her. But, after read the post, yeah, I’m jealous with her friend. Really.

p/s: midori, if you read this (I know you wouldn’t), please tell her that I wish I could have a family like hers.

27September

‘You’re not happy, aren’t you? It all written in your face’

Am I not? I don’t know myself. They saw it. yes I am, I’m not happy. But, who am I to choose my way of life. I don’t deserve them. But I’m really grateful with what I have. Alhamdulillah. I was really happy when I met them. ^___^

The first day of becoming healthy me! Way to go ‘me’! keep it up!

the other five posts

20September

We met dr maiza, told her about our problem. my heart was going to jump out from my body. I was so scared to meet her. It was my fault and now she had to handle it, like my prob was a bigger thing than the other things she had to handle with. I know that, but I couldn’t help it. she’s the only hope. The result? She still cannot do anything. She mad at us. I prepared for that and yes, we deserved that. Luckily, she said we could wait until the next semester and if anything, we can meet her. I hope everything will gonna be okay.

21September

What does friendship taste like? I don’t know whether you had tasted it. I tasted it. it tastes funny, happy, sad, and everything.and i guarantee to you, the taste is delicious. And I love it, like when you taste family. What the hell I’m babbling about here? Yeah, I don’t know what to write and I want to make it 55 words. Nothing happened today. Just like every other days.

22september

I’m okay with it. I'm feeling okay. Yeah, I lied. I waited for it, I pray so hard for it, I really hope I can get it. but, I didn’t get it. I lied if I say I’m okay. Everything has reasons behind it. I could not agree more. I knew it. but, think back what have you done before, why you didn’t get it. maybe because I forgot to tell this thing to my friend who didn’t have any scholarship. Yeah, that’s karma. Or maybe I wasn’t pray hard enough, or I there wasn’t any sincerity. i didn’t take it seriously when I applied for it. or maybe He want to show me something, or to make me realize the importance of money. All I know, He sets everything up. This maybe not my chance. Maybe I will get another bigger chance, I hope so. I really really hope so. At least I can believe it for now.

23September

Yes. We went out again today. We went to pc lake. It's beautiful, especially when you have the chance to see the sunset. I just walked around and take some pictures with my friends. I don’t want to tell about pc lake! I want to tell you about my first Japanese language class. I don’t want to brag because I’m afraid it will turn upside down. The point is, the class was awesome. Maybe not because of the class. Maybe because the lecturer. she knows the exact way to teach us. But, behind those reasons, I was enjoying that class just because I love Japanese and you know that. I’m kinda obsess with Japanese. So, I smiled the whole time from the beginning of the class till the end. I dont care if I was alone. I don’t care if I don’t have friends. All I know is, I want to learn it. and if only I could do the same thing to my tesl subject. Pffftt…

24 September

Again, I’m training my taekwando. This time, its kinda enjoying. I don’t know why. Maybe because I actually ate breakfast and I have enough energy, or maybe because we didn’t do any pattern yet, or because I love kicks and we learn kick or maybe because of…

okay, I told my friend about everything including my crush. No, they are not my crush! girls are included! Let me explain, actually, I really really feel that people who are related to science are cool. And doctors, genius, nerd, knows art and classic, really have the talent to draw, reading manga, watching anime, knows Japanese language and people who know martial arts especially taekwando are so damn cool. That is just a part of the people whom I admire. There are more out there. The thing is, I think they are cool because I like those things and I couldn’t be as cool as them if I try hard enough to be the one. So, when I saw someone who are really good in those things I’ve said, I kinda look at them. I mean, give them special attention when they are actually don’t know my existence. again, girls are included. When I said to my friends about them, they are like, you know, like what you would think of me. Oh, fyi, I thought they are Chinese because I like to see Chinese people. And i never talk to them. Haha. so, please dont misjudge me. there are always reasons why i admire them and that reason absolutely not because i like them.

We went out. Again. Haha. To dilah’s aunt house. My belly looks like it wants to burst. I was feeling guilty abut this. First because I don’t help her aunt at all, second because I didn’t drive after seeing dilah was so tired. Shoot me.

5 posts

15 sept 2011

This is my first class with miss fairuz. So, when I first saw her, I was like “whoa”. I didn’t know she is very funny, yet very strict. She asked us to make this blog. So, here I am, working my brain out to think what to write. Honestly, I really don’t know what to write. Some people don’t like miss fairuz’s way to teach. But positively, this is the best way to improve our skills. To tell you the truth I’m even worse than people who didn’t take tesl as their major. Fool me, isn’t it? really, I cant speak proper English. I couldn’t even speak. I have low self esteem. And I’m not smart.

16 sept.

Someone got mad at me, she said ‘I’m not as rich as you!”. I DID want to tell her this:

Dude, let me tell ya. I wasn’t born into a rich family. I don’t have money as much as you have. I didn’t get the KPM scholarship; I don’t have rm4000++ in my bank account. I had to survive this semester, I can’t ask from my parent. I have two more siblings that they have to support, one of them studying in private school. The other has to stay in my aunt house. Do you think that she liked it? Being apart from her parent? My dad is too weak to work anymore, and my mom, she has to work. She never worked before! Do you think that she’s still young and strong to do those works? do you think i liked it when i saw her, torn out from working hard?? My first brother just got married, and he was the only source that supported us before. Do you think that we can ask for more from him? My second brother had to postpone his marriage. Do you think that he liked it? My elder sister couldn’t find any suitable job for now. My third brother just finished his study, and he’s waiting to go out from this country just to find us more money. Do you think that he liked it, to be away from this peace country? And had to survive in nowhere just to see his parent and his siblings happy? And do you think that I can easily ask them for money? Excuse me, I’ve been suffering here. And no one knows and that including you. So, think before you say something.

I went out with my first brother. Going out with him makes me missing my home. We bought a printer. I have to do something that can at least support my financial, I told you right? So, we are planning to make this printing business. I don’t ask for sympathy here, I’m asking for supports. Give me courage to do this business printing. I kinda need it right now. Hehe. Call me if you want to print your assignment!

17 September

Today was my first taekwando class. So, I already set my mind up that this first class would going to be nothing. Turned out, the new instructor treated us like we’re already in three weeks class. I didn’t get the chance to eat my breakfast and I was late because of the stupid upsi bus. It was so tiring!! We had to run, stretch, and do everything. I didn’t have any energy left. There was a student fainted, the others sit in the back because they couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t even drink a drop of water! And I couldn’t even breathe. All happened because I never work out for past 4 month holiday. Serve me right. I didn’t have energy to buy my lunch. The only thing that played on my mind was my bed. I met my friends. They asked me to join them to go to pasar malam. I said okay. But when I went back, I slept the whole day that I didn’t wake up on time. So, I missed the pasar malam. i broke my promise again. I’m sorry guys..

18 September

We went to k.l. because I desperately need to buy shoe. We went to rawang with car. I went there with my housemate but I hang out with my high school friends. Really miss hang out with them. It brought back those memories. My legs were really hurt results from the previous training. it felt like they gonna ‘plug off’ from the joint. I was so hurt, I tell you. And I was very tired! But, all were gone when I hang out with them. I smiled. I laughed. At the end, I didn’t buy the thing that was the only reason why I went there. Haha. But, its okay. Isn’t it? I don’t like to go shopping, I hate going to the women section, I like anime and books, I like to buy guys clothes, I like to fool around and they knew that. They joined me. (^___^)

19 September

We went out again this night. We ate at the dusun bay restaurant. People says its beautiful, but I saw nothing special. Maybe because of the darkness of the night. Its okay, we still got more chances to go there. The fried rice, nahhh.. nothing special. Ohh, the chocolate shake was superb! The thing is, I didn’t like the feeling, going out with only three people from our house feels incomplete. The other two had eaten already because it wasn’t plan before.