3 oct - 10 oct

3oct

I met Bekton today. We talked too much. I talked too much that I can’t stop bragging myself. Once I meet with my high school friends, I can’t stop. Everything must be told. Still feeling guilty for distracting her from studying that resulted her did bad on her test.

Anyway, talking about Bekton, she is one of the people who I can talk and speak in English without feeling nervous of making mistakes. Do you know that in order to speak second language, one should have self motivation and confidence in herself? Bekton and I are close enough that I feel comfortable to speak to her. I cant always practice to talk to her though because we hardly meet.

4oct

I had this particular meeting this night. It was so huge and grand that I almost wanted to chicken out. Am I capable to do those things? I’m scared that I can’t give a full commitment to these things which makes me a jerk who cannot take responsibilities. That’s just for this night. I don’t have the time to update my blog.

5oct

This internet is freaking annoying, I couldn't do my work. I couldn't update my blog at all. I’m sorry miss, if I hadn’t updated my blog, this is the reason. Please don’t expect me to go to the campus and wasting my time there to get the bus and to get ready or to walk to the campus just to update my blog every day. I hardly have classes. If I had a class there, it was in the morning and I HAD to rush back to PC for your class. please note that we cannot get the PC bus easily as people get their campus bus.

6oct

I really don’t have time yet I need to update this blog. Your class' assignments, preparing for the public speaking, the text book’s exercises, and the essay plus the draft. Not to forget, the SLA assignment which I just happened to know that we have to submit it the next two days. For goodness, there are 2 handouts of EST for us to do. Oh, don’t forget the need-to-memorize-at least-26- characters-of-hiragana homework! Pffft…

7oct

I don’t even have the slightest time to call my parents..! and if you ever think that is my fault for procrastinating, I’m sorry to disappointing you because for your information, I got all these things in just one day.

8oct

I went to my class with Dilah’s car today, she didn’t have class. I bought an umbrella which is awesome. It really is. It shows beautiful patterns whenever it touches water. I thought it was just a plain colour umbrella. Isn’t it cool?

9oct

Jealousy. The word that always come in mind whenever we mentioned about people who like purple. I’m not an easy-jealous typed of person. I lied. Yes I am. But, when it comes to guys or friends, I would rather feel ashamed than jealous. I don’t feel jealous to them, but, I do feel down. Really down because I cannot have whatever they have. That’s one type of jealous, isn’t it? haha. Again, I feel down, not that jealous-hated-i-want-to-kick-you feeling. Do you understand??? The only thing that I feel like that are, when it comes to study and ‘her’. Things related to her, not her. What I’m babbling about?? Please don’t bother to read this post miss fairuz.

10 oct

Again today, I had the chance to improve my speaking skill because I met Bekton today. but I missed it. what a waste.

28nov-2oct 2011

28 September

We went to tg malim town today to buy some things. I was waiting on the outside of a particular shop when I accidentally dropped the car key. As you know, that is Dilah’s car. I’m a dead meat if anything happen to that car. It dropped in the drain. I didn’t know what to do. I was so screwed up. I was alone. I can’t reach it because the hole was too small and I had to lift up the cover which is too heavy for me. Luckily, two gentlemen came and they were willingly helped me. People gathered around to see what happened. And there was an uncle who kept nagging at me and praised those two guys. I was so embarrassed. I thanked them and quickly get off from there.

29 September

I went to interview this morning. I sucked. Serve me rite. I screwed everything up.

This night, I was waiting for the bus at the foyer. I was alone, not even a single person. I missed the bus about a minute. So I was frustrated and I made a disappointed face after I asked one of the drivers about the bus. And one particular driver said something I didn’t hear. I really didn’t realize what my face was like at that moment. I didn’t make the face purposely! I thought I was alone. He repeated himself and it was a very disgusting thing he said about my face. I was so scared. I was alone! Luckily, people came. And I ran away from him.

30September

My Japanese language class as awesome as usual. We learnt about numbers and ages and everything.

Dilah went home. She left her car. So, hehe, we went out! To campus actually, to attend a feast held by silat association. The food, uuurrgghhh…. Anyway, that’s not important. The most important is my ‘fake-princess’ talked to us. Okay, it just one word but who cares! Ngehe.

p/s: to lizzy, I saw your fake-gd! I wanted to tell you, he just stood beside me but I don’t have your number. I lost my phone, remember? You must be excited.

1 0ct

Again, Dilah was not here. So, we used her car. Hehe. The four of us went to the night market. There’s nothing to buy but as you know I like to go out. I tried so hard not to buy anything unnecessary. The other three went in the women section while I waited outside. Like always, I don’t like to go to those ‘women section’. Note to guys: yes, I know the feeling! I understand it! Waiting for your girlfriends shopping really killing you right?

I bought fruits! All are my favourites, Grape especially.

P/s: I wonder if I am the real woman. Har har.

2 0ct

I went to a place where my housemates didn’t know. They were curious. Actually, I had a sleep over at my friends’ house. It was a wonderful moment. I wish I lived there. We laughed, we gossiping and everything. Anyway, thanks for everything guys. I loved the breeze.

She called. You know who. I told her about my dream. She was so afraid that I really hoped that I can see her scared face. I laughed. I’m sorry! Not that I liked it or what, but I missed to see your nervous face! Actually, I told everything except 1 thing. In that dream, I was really sad that I hesitated to run after you. I was really sad. And I am sad.

three more posts

25 September

There are always you in my story of life.

2008 (when we are grown up enough to think of the mature things)

Her: what would you do if I have a boyfriend.

Me: I must know the boy first, whether he is deserve for you or not.

2009

Someone: what will you do if your best friend already had someone else ?

Me: if he’s the best, he could take care of her, then I couldn’t agree more.

2010 (my sister asked me )

She: what would you do if your dearest friend will get marry?

Me: I would cry first. Really hard. After a while, I maybe will accept the fact that she’s not mine anymore. But, that’s the case if the man will be there for her come hell or high water. Who am I to prevent those from happening. I care for her happiness.

At my brother’s wedding, I saw my sister in law’s father cried when giving her daughter to my parent. I wonder, that’s maybe the feeling when you’re giving your dearest person to someone else.

Now

My bestie: would you cry if I will be taken away?

Me: I thought that an over ago, and I cried hard at the same time my dear.

That’s the thing that I’m afraid the most. Say I’m fishy or not reasonable; be with someone for over than ten years, and then you will know the feeling. Sometimes, I thought, gosh I couldn’t lose her. But that sometimes, I always think that ‘I’m not losing her, I just lend her to be taken care of by someone else’. She’s my best friend, she’s my sister, she’s my guardian, and she’s my unsung hero.

26 September

I told ranko about her. Yeah.. we are growing up. It just, I cannot accept the fact. That’s why we called it “life” isn’t it?

I always read this specific blog written by a friend of mine, because i really love the writing. the latest entry is about her friend’s family. Usually, I would get jealous to her. But, after read the post, yeah, I’m jealous with her friend. Really.

p/s: midori, if you read this (I know you wouldn’t), please tell her that I wish I could have a family like hers.

27September

‘You’re not happy, aren’t you? It all written in your face’

Am I not? I don’t know myself. They saw it. yes I am, I’m not happy. But, who am I to choose my way of life. I don’t deserve them. But I’m really grateful with what I have. Alhamdulillah. I was really happy when I met them. ^___^

The first day of becoming healthy me! Way to go ‘me’! keep it up!

the other five posts

20September

We met dr maiza, told her about our problem. my heart was going to jump out from my body. I was so scared to meet her. It was my fault and now she had to handle it, like my prob was a bigger thing than the other things she had to handle with. I know that, but I couldn’t help it. she’s the only hope. The result? She still cannot do anything. She mad at us. I prepared for that and yes, we deserved that. Luckily, she said we could wait until the next semester and if anything, we can meet her. I hope everything will gonna be okay.

21September

What does friendship taste like? I don’t know whether you had tasted it. I tasted it. it tastes funny, happy, sad, and everything.and i guarantee to you, the taste is delicious. And I love it, like when you taste family. What the hell I’m babbling about here? Yeah, I don’t know what to write and I want to make it 55 words. Nothing happened today. Just like every other days.

22september

I’m okay with it. I'm feeling okay. Yeah, I lied. I waited for it, I pray so hard for it, I really hope I can get it. but, I didn’t get it. I lied if I say I’m okay. Everything has reasons behind it. I could not agree more. I knew it. but, think back what have you done before, why you didn’t get it. maybe because I forgot to tell this thing to my friend who didn’t have any scholarship. Yeah, that’s karma. Or maybe I wasn’t pray hard enough, or I there wasn’t any sincerity. i didn’t take it seriously when I applied for it. or maybe He want to show me something, or to make me realize the importance of money. All I know, He sets everything up. This maybe not my chance. Maybe I will get another bigger chance, I hope so. I really really hope so. At least I can believe it for now.

23September

Yes. We went out again today. We went to pc lake. It's beautiful, especially when you have the chance to see the sunset. I just walked around and take some pictures with my friends. I don’t want to tell about pc lake! I want to tell you about my first Japanese language class. I don’t want to brag because I’m afraid it will turn upside down. The point is, the class was awesome. Maybe not because of the class. Maybe because the lecturer. she knows the exact way to teach us. But, behind those reasons, I was enjoying that class just because I love Japanese and you know that. I’m kinda obsess with Japanese. So, I smiled the whole time from the beginning of the class till the end. I dont care if I was alone. I don’t care if I don’t have friends. All I know is, I want to learn it. and if only I could do the same thing to my tesl subject. Pffftt…

24 September

Again, I’m training my taekwando. This time, its kinda enjoying. I don’t know why. Maybe because I actually ate breakfast and I have enough energy, or maybe because we didn’t do any pattern yet, or because I love kicks and we learn kick or maybe because of…

okay, I told my friend about everything including my crush. No, they are not my crush! girls are included! Let me explain, actually, I really really feel that people who are related to science are cool. And doctors, genius, nerd, knows art and classic, really have the talent to draw, reading manga, watching anime, knows Japanese language and people who know martial arts especially taekwando are so damn cool. That is just a part of the people whom I admire. There are more out there. The thing is, I think they are cool because I like those things and I couldn’t be as cool as them if I try hard enough to be the one. So, when I saw someone who are really good in those things I’ve said, I kinda look at them. I mean, give them special attention when they are actually don’t know my existence. again, girls are included. When I said to my friends about them, they are like, you know, like what you would think of me. Oh, fyi, I thought they are Chinese because I like to see Chinese people. And i never talk to them. Haha. so, please dont misjudge me. there are always reasons why i admire them and that reason absolutely not because i like them.

We went out. Again. Haha. To dilah’s aunt house. My belly looks like it wants to burst. I was feeling guilty abut this. First because I don’t help her aunt at all, second because I didn’t drive after seeing dilah was so tired. Shoot me.